There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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