i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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