are you still at the devil's house?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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