I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
