well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Randomize
