i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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