ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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