Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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