Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
