you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
