We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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