his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
