then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
