the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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