All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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