I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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