i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This baby is an asshole
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
