she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
