Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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