so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
