I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just blew my weed a kiss
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize