this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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