and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
