I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
