i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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