i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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