You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We left an ass print on the piano.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
