I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
