You work out of a Hotel?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
