I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize