I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
