you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
