accomplished twins. life is a go
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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