is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
