just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
