I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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