i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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