he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
