I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't deserve a penis
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
