Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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