I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
