u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
