I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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