batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The adults are the big ones right?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
