So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
