Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
