im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
