just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
