she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
