I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
