Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
