UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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