If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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