I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
