If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
