why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
