based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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