you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
