piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
