I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
