Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
