Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
