i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
