Got a toothbrush?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
