and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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