He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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