I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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