just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
