Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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