GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
