Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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