so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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