youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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