i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
