ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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