I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
