Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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