Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I could make wine with my vomit
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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